I don’t think I can ever say it enough but time flies by so fast. It seems like just yesterday that I felt at such unease with myself, unsure of my direction and next steps. If it was not for this blog, I would probably not remember that it was about 3 weeks ago.
It is pretty much settled.
I will leave the company I have been working in once I have served my notice and while I am sad to leave a great atmosphere and the awesome people I have had the privilege of working directly with, God has shown me the signs that it is probably for the best. After months of deliberation and after all that thinking, I talked to my boss and tendered. With every day that passes, I am coming more to terms with the decision and am trying to not think of how I will definitely miss them.
I have had mixed reactions from “You’re leaving without options? Are you crazy?”, “Are you sure you know what you are doing?” to “Yeah, that’s a pretty ballsy move and not totally unexpected from you.” Maybe I’d be perceived as emotional, but I believe that if you want to work somewhere, your heart should be all in. Things should be in tandem, namely your heart, mind and effort. If I have less passion or that sense of purpose, I feel like my performance wanes and the organization, the people I work with do not deserve that. It’s never “just a job” to me, what more when time at work means time away from AK.
On the upside, I have been enjoying the courses I have been working on on Coursera and have done well in them. It’s just the beginning, but yay! Am actually enjoying learning about programming, data visualization and business metrices. Balancing putting the 1-4 hours a week with work and family time has been quite doable so far; am glad I decided to try it out. I have also tried getting my finances in order and talking to different people about different options of investing money but hey, that’s a whole different story.
Lately, I have also been spending a bit more time with the parents and we visited Grandma over the weekend. While I was walking with AK and we were looking at the chickens, she decided to behave like one and go “Pok Pok!” and scared them senseless. In that moment, with the sun shining above and among the green plants of my Grandma’s well-tended garden… In that moment with the laughter of my grandma, parents’ and mum’s siblings ringing in the background, I felt there was no other place I was meant to be in, watching my daughter’s excitement and feeling that bit of pride in her. I was relaxed for the first time in a long time and I could live in that moment of sunshine forever.
I thought of how far everyone has come, from where they started off having careers and their own families. How everyone dealt with their own share of struggles but were driven by what made it worth it in the end. Comfortable moments for the soul to roll and bask in, pockets of time of peace, love and laughter to enjoy amidst the chaos of life itself.
So now, after all of the nights devoid of proper sleep, after all the worrying about uncertainty, after the self-doubts and fears, I believe I am ready to give myself a break. Once my notice is served, I hope I would have some time to stop and smell the roses, to enjoy the beauty of small moments and just breathe. There are already things I am looking forward to like putting our home into order (i.e. decorating and arranging stuff), yet I am excited for taking that time for reflection to see how far I have come and digest it all.
It has truly been a crazy year and while December is just around the corner, I think I am more ready now for what 2017 may have in store.