I can count the number of times I have felt this busy for this long on one hand and isn’t it funny how life can work sometimes? Things that you never really thought you would have to face crop up at the most random times and more often than not, when you thought you learned how to handle a certain situation, you realize you still have a long way to go and a lot more to learn.
One of such battles that I seem to always be facing has to do with patience. I assumed I had much of it to spare but life is showing me that there still are a lot of things I need to do to beat that impatient side of me. It’s normal to always want to fix things as though we are doing business transactions, fast fast fast, but you find that you have to wait wait wait. Sometimes the waiting is the least of what you want to do.
Some people say I think so much and while I agree, I think that all that channeled brainpower goes a long way in helping me plan. To plan and troubleshoot for what might happen next and the thing is when you have to do this quickly and repeatedly, you find yourself caught up and totally involved, totally present in whatever it is you are doing akin to a rush of adrenaline. Unfortunately, if you keep the cycle up for a long period of time, you start burning out and of course get mentally exhausted. Then, the physical exhaustion kicks in and you might start feeling like all the sleep in the world does nothing to help you recuperate.
Admittedly, I find it very helpful to consistently pray and self-reflect. I have not been writing as much as I used to which has helped me evaluate things and feel calmer in the end. There has been a point recently where I doubted many things and people in my life and I also doubted myself. Alhamdulillah though, my husband has always stood by me and so have my best friends. They have not given up on me though we may have had our disagreements and where they may have not understood how I felt/acted, they still took the time to try and understand me. I really have been blessed for the faith they have in me.
One of my friends mentioned that during hard times, we need to have hope though the situation may seem hopeless. I think it takes a huge amount of courage to believe in better days and believe in it so strongly that you are able to persevere through the struggles that are given to you. More importantly, it takes a lot of grit to also maintain your code of values and always try to do what is right instead of what may be easier.
Sometimes it may feel like something is eating the inside of you, kind of like an itch that never goes away through the days and when I had that recently, I wondered if I was crazy. If you ever get to that point, I would suggest the same thing another close friend of mine suggested. Let it out, even if it seems silly/small, just talk and cry it out. You need to be kind to yourself and sometimes even when you do not understand yourself, try thinking of how long it takes to really get to know someone. A long time right? So, even though you have know yourself for your whole life, there still could be some things about yourself you may not be aware of (or maybe you have changed a bit).
The thing is, when you do let it out, upon enough reflection, you do feel like that “something” that was eating at you turned out to not be as big a monster as you thought it was. We all need a bit of comfort sometimes, we all need some kindness and hope. These good things may at times seem sparse, but they are still needed in our lives. We do not just need to be kind to others, we sometimes need others to also be kind to us and for us to be kind to ourselves.
“And the future will be better for you than the past. Your Lord is sure to give you (so much) that you will be pleased.”