Sometimes, I cannot believe myself when I hear what I say to AK. “AK, Mummy said no… what did Mummy say? AK Mummy’s being serious!”
Never mind that she cannot say Mummy yet, let alone take me seriously.
She really has a mind of her own and sometimes squeaks when she does not get her way, but it’s hard to not melt when you see her laugh with her eyes lit up or when her face scrunches up with hurt and the tears come.
These days, I have been feeling quite mixed up. Part of me feels happy to see her exploring and discovering things, the other part is torn that she is leaving babyhood behind and is becoming one in almost exactly a month. She is starting to walk more confidently and also babble a lot more. Like, really? So fast? It feels like just yesterday I was staring at her for ages, waiting for her to open her eyes from her nap and just wave her hands in the air (since she could not do much else at the time).
I cannot even begin to imagine how I will probably be bawling with tissue paper in my room on HER 1st day of school. Or who knows, maybe I will take leave from work and hide in the bushes for a day…Am sure Mr Grumpy will be right next to me hahaha have to start mentally training myself since I really would not want to be one of those “helicopter mummies” and suffocate her but still be there for her. I tend to be for the view that our husbands are there to be the more rational ones during certain times and things can go awry if you choose to not listen to the voices of reason during such times.
Mr Grumpy said I probably miss her more these days since she is becoming more interactive. She slaps our faces since it is the new “fun” thing for her right now; she just loves to see how people react after she slaps them. Maybe it is true, but in essence, I love being around her too and I could talk about her for days. Such a big part of my world.
If you were to ask what major changes have happened since becoming a mother, one of them thus far is where you gain patience and a higher appreciation for things. Even when you feel tired or like giving up, you find strength in patience whenever you push yourself to try and be better for their sake. You find love in patience as you soothe your cranky or hurt baby and see the tears stop and they smile again. You stretch yourself without realizing it and one day find that you have made major personal developments and as corny as it sounds, that becoming a better parent helps make you a better person.
I started understanding more about the different struggles people go through, how important it is to plan for your children financially and how one does need to work hard yet also keep progressing or growing in all aspects. Time really flies and whatever little bit you decide to do or invest in today can be the crux of what you may have or need in the future. It is not up to us, the amount of time we may have in this world, but it is up to us to do whatever we can with it.AK also taught me that even though she may have our support system helping watch her and who also love her (Alhamdulillah, we are very blessed), it does not dilute my or Mr Grumpy’s responsibilities of being her parents.
Some people may look down or trivialize your focus on being a good parent, they may say your world is small or that you are limiting yourself, but if what you are doing generates a positive impact on you and those around you, if every time you just try helps put a smile on your child’s face, then they can say whatever they want. We have all read too many stories of how some people miss out on their children’s childhoods or ended up not understanding their children when their children became adults. Do what is right by you and them, and God willing, God will take care of the rest. But you must put in the effort first, and be consistent with it.
“Who cares if people like me as a singer or not, they can find other singers and there will be other singers. But no other mother can be a better mother for my children than me.” – Celine Dion