We keep this love in a photograph

Given that I have submitted my proposal (like finally, right?), I suppose there is room and time to feel nostalgic. Also, Facebook has this super cool feature where when you upload pictures from your phone, you can see the photos you uploaded a year ago today etc. Call me a sucker for these social media giants but I become that curious mouse that runs down memory lane (and also spend more time on Facebook). Today brought back one of the best memories for me, as the 15th of December 2013 was the day I got engaged to Mr Grumpy.

It was an informal family gathering and really, it was unexpected. Mr Grumpy had my ring size and I love that the band was simple. I wear it daily and wear the wedding ring on special occasions. Partly also because I don’t want some guy cleaving my finger off, what with the crime rate these days. Don’t get me wrong, some ladies have way bigger rocks on their fingers and I admire their courage but I’d also be super upset if I lost it/scratched it/left it somewhere and I can be quite careless.

I had no idea it was about to happen and in classic form, Mr Grumpy was giving a speech of how it was a symbol for the near future (we got married in February) only for his auntie to cut in at the climax of the speech ”So, do you take my nephew???” hahaha

Honestly, I would. Day after day, time after time. In a heartbeat.

Being married (and now pregnant) is nothing like I would have imagined it to be. I remember the concept of commitment seemed so daunting because the sanctity of marriage seemed all the more precious to me back then. Not that it’s not precious now, but it’s definitely not a relationship you can just walk out from if something does not work to your fancy and it so did not help that I used to hear stories about monster husbands/wives who became someone totally different once the vows were made.

It’s been much better than I could have ever imagined it to be and am not saying it in a braggart way. My close friends know about the shitty time I had right before I met Mr Grumpy. It was definitely one of the lowest times of my life with everything (and I mean everything) going wrong. Imagine firefighting yet the fires kept raging despite how hard your efforts seemed to be and it is not like you have a note in your back pocket telling you when the bad times were going to end. You have these crazy days where you cry then laugh simply because you cannot believe how ridiculous things are and then go back to crying to vent out all the frustration.

For this, I thank God and I would also like to thank my parents for the trait of stubbornness inherited. Because without their constantly challenging me in the past to do or be better, without the efforts and experiences, I never would have met or clicked with Mr Grumpy as I did. I would not have been as happy as I am now or have recognized a partner who would stick by me for better or for worse. Mr Grumpy was not daunted or repelled by my vulnerability, he did not say or do things just to make me feel better, and he was consistent in showing me how he cared (without suffocating me). It was a beautiful gift to give of himself, since he had also been hurt by others in the past.

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God willing, we will have a long life together. 🙂

God truly has a better plan for us than we choose to create for ourselves and I believe that the more you improve yourself, the higher your chances would be in finding the person who is right for you. Moreover, this person encourages you to be better naturally. I feel guilty for how it sometimes is so easy to judge or berate someone if we have not understood the situation. Simultaneously, I feel like a lot of people should be a bit more caring towards themselves and others because we cause damage to ourselves easily, yet it is easy to forget that it will catch up with us eventually and you may not know where to start when you would like to fix yourself.

By the way, therapists really are not cheap these days. 

So here is to remembering the good times through photographs. Here is to looking at the beautiful instead of ugly times of the past and while some of us grow apart or closer, there still is beauty inherent within the journey traveled. May we all constantly strive and find light in the darkest moments we each face, may we always be kind, forgiving and strong enough to love others and ourselves despite whatever hateful experiences we may go through.

”Woman was made from the rib of man.
She was not created from his head to top him,
Nor from his feet to be stepped upon

She was made from his side to be close to him,
From beneath his arm to be protected by him,
Near his heart to be loved by him.”

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