musings: happiness and the human experience

Sorry for the slight hiatus in this blog (for those who read it!), have relocated from my home to my parents’ place and was busy adjusting to some new changes in life. Am yet to post some recipes, but I have not been cooking much either…

Though there are two things I’d be excited to share about in the future…

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Baked pasta! Our place does not have an oven, so it was pretty nice to make this again after so long. My brother polished a lot of it off pretty quickly and for this one, I had decided to blend extra tomatoes to replace the canned ones. Yummy results indeed!

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This gorgeous baby right here is the S’mores pie! Straight up from ”A Pie Thing” in Damansara Utama. I heated it up and loved it down with a glass of cold milk. It has marshmallows and nutella/chocolate. They have both sweet and savory pies, but while I was eating this one, Miki (my baby brother) decided to have a bite. This turned into many bites along with some smacks he gave me when I did not notice his mouth was empty. So I guess he loved it too!

Anyway, I really have been procrastinating on work I rightfully should be doing so here’s hoping tomorrow will be a super productive day! It’s funny how my procrastination has gotten worse, and though there are the guilty thoughts, I still am trying to tell myself it is not so bad, oh the lies we tell ourselves… As old school as it sounds, I can imagine the lecture my mum would give (and I’m 26!) if she knew. Mothers have this knack for being able to make you feel super guilty etc and knowing which buttons to push to get a certain intended behavior.

I’ve always been a believer that people should be allowed to do what they would like to do. We live our lives ourselves (stating the obvious) and through that, we should know best how to direct the course of our lives. Sometimes though, I wonder if it’s overly idealistic thinking simply because of what people around me are going through.

Sometimes we put a lot of faith and trust into someone we deem as special and they decide to break it. They may also have decided to shatter your heart into a million pieces and in that sense, I wonder what some of these people are thinking when they do horrible things to their supposed loved ones. Through love, we have been granted a great power: the power to make someone happy or sad. Unfortunately, you have some jackasses  individuals who prefer to act in silo and be really hurtful. They try justifying it by saying ”It’s my life, if you do not understand me you do not deserve me” and that is confusing given people have chosen to love and trust you in the first place. I don’t think they deserved the hurt you decided to dish out.

Then there is also another brand of people, who I cannot help but have mixed feelings for. These are the ones who may wish for their lives to be different or to be elsewhere but feel there are certain obligations or limitations keeping them back. Some have been noble enough to pick their families as a good reason but I also hope they find the happiness they deserve. Everything happens for a reason and I believe that through the struggle, you will find that shine eventually. That shine will be beautiful and bright and it will all be worth it, God willing. It’s very important to have faith and purpose in your life on a daily basis.

I mean it goes to show you how through different experiences, different individuals have their own ways of thinking and actions and if every human being is intricate, layered with a constellation of complexities, would you not need time to fully understand someone? An experience you go through may not fully be understood by someone else, what more when you may try to describe every nuance of emotion you’ve experienced to another person. This is why God tells you to be kind, patient, do not assume and try to always be compassionate. This is also why karma would also bite you in the butt later on in life if you choose to hurt others.

It also makes you think of how media and society tells us ‘‘Yes, you have the right to say whatever you want whenever you want’‘ when it cannot necessarily be applied to all contexts. It sounds a bit conspiracy theory-like but despite what media and society trumpet, it’s as though it still wants you to be a certain way. Why else would there be such pressures in fashion and movie industries, in politics and whatnot? Sure, you can believe in it if it suits your cause, but there will always be someone saying something or other about everything you choose to say or do.

If we are given so much freedom in many a civilized and progressive nation, why is there also a large percentage of people not feeling comfortable in their own skins, why is there so much depression or suicide cases? While economic situations is a solid contributing factor, it really is more from within the soul.

When they say to be who you are, I’m pretty sure they meant for you to be the best version of yourself.

If your intentions rang sincere and true, there would be no stopping you. There would be no self-doubt even in times of fear or despair, because what you want and believe in is much more important than the obstacles that come your way. These true intentions or at least the grit and determination prosper from hardiness of character. Which in turn is shaped by how you control and face the events of your life. There is a difference between confidence and arrogance. In a nutshell, if you are busy blaming your surroundings rather than yourself (or poor code of values), don’t be surprised if you wake up and find yourself an empty air bag with no one close to you.

Wouldn’t that make you lonely and sad? 

“The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.” Jim Morrison

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