“There is more to life than simply increasing its speed.” ― Mahatma Gandhi
Sometimes, I get surprised at the rate of how life changes. Have always felt like time flies by but this year (and the end of last year) has been a stunner indeed. It’s been a bit over a year of knowing Mr Grumpy, almost a year of being married, and soon, AK will be here. God willing.
It’s been a transition between jobs, witnessing just how there really are some mean and bitter b*tches in this world, the make of break of friendships and it is supposed to be a natural phase of moving between being a young adult and stumbling into adulthood. People tell you of the things to prepare for before you step out of university, but honestly, all theoretical knowledge only works to a certain degree compared to how it is practically. Of course you hear of some types of people, but when you meet them or let them into your life, it’s amazing how much damage they can cause and without much of a conscience.
Sometimes it is also easy to misinterpret things and to make colossal mistakes and while we should not dwell on the bad moments or have any regrets, I wish in certain instances that I was stronger or more assertive. And then there are moments where I wish I was more patient and tolerant, like a boat sailing steadily instead of being rocked by the ebb and flow of everything.
My dad used to say these things are normal when you are young, you learn as you grow and in that context, I suppose we should not give ourselves such a hard time about the things we cannot change or control. B*tches will be b*tches, for example… there will always be curve balls in life, and you will have to let go or accept certain things as they are. You may never fully understand certain things and you will have to play your cards the best way possible.
Maybe it’s just pregnancy hormones, where I get pretty emotional about things. For now, I cannot watch certain movies or read certain things without bawling in private (overly much empathy?) and there still is that short fuse that sometimes happens. Thankfully, it is not sooo bad or maybe that is what everyone is saying to make me feel better haha!
I sometimes wish time could slow down, if only for me to cherish and reflect on past things more. To properly let these happenings seep into my mind and to dissect all of them. I’m sure when AK arrives (God willing), time will be fast forwarded even more, I will beat myself up over so many things, I will probably wonder if I will ever be good enough for her and Mr Grumpy.
But if I reflect on the things I am thankful for, there would be my family who I have went through difficult times with. There would be the friends who have made me laugh and even when we had our disagreements, love and loyalty were never lacking. There would be Mr Grumpy and he would always be the special one simply because of everything he has given me and the person he has encouraged me to be. I was like a hurricane in the past but I am thankful for whatever it is that I may have done for God to feel like I deserve this man in my life.
Love makes one vulnerable and very rarely, we are brave enough to accept it wholeheartedly. We try to protect ourselves by thinking of all the ways it could go wrong and how hurt we could be. We run from commitment for fear of losing our own prerogatives and independence but sometimes we fail to realize that with the right person, you don’t lose who you are or who you may want to be. You tend to become a better version of yourself (without feeling like it’s such a chore to do) and that translates into better relationships with others. Yes, there are adjustments but it’s really not the doomsday scenario we often brainwash ourselves with. It’s a risk with no guarantees no doubt, but I would rather take it than play the curious girl stuck behind the looking glass.
While love is natural, it is also a choice you make to keep it alive.
Recently, I also feel it is easy to get caught up in your own bubble but there really is a whole big world out there, with other people and animals going through worse things than you are. That really gets to me actually, to worry about petty things when some are not even taken care of or looked after. Maybe it’s the mummy instinct , but it certainly puts things into perspective when some do not deserve the position they are in yet we do not really help them. I’d rather save or give to the needy than save for that 5/6-digit handbag that looks good on my arm (donations however are welcome 😉 ), I’d rather make someone else feel better and help him/her progress than to be mean and step on their heads so that I look taller than them. As for the b*tches, I will probably keep the nasty visualizations of throttling their necks part of my imagination than reality and maybe next time be more voluntary with some zingy comments if they deserve it.
Come to think of it, whether God gives you good or bad things, giving some of the good will not make you poorer or any less of a person. It’s also important to spend time with those who give you good vibes and to strive for the better. Time will continue to progress, a day at a time, but one day, before you realize it, you will also see that everything has changed. It’s up to you whether it’s for the better.