28th week: Head of a cauliflower

Hello there, third trimester! As THE DAY is starting to seem closer than ever, I definitely am getting much more nervous. I’m beginning to think AK is ever active, always kicking and punching, it’s making me think of how things would be when she is able to walk. God willing, of course.

In Malaysia, it’s normal to have this confinement period, where you stay at home for a period of time (maybe 30 to 40 days) and an authentic makcik (or old lady) comes and massages you among other things. The idea is to help you maintain a nice shape (like not having your tummy droop out when you’re older) and for general health and well-being. It was really sweet of my mum to have coordinated things in preparation (she is THAT prepared!) for then and if anything, it makes all this seem much more real. Mr Grumpy also had conversations with mum about diapers and night feedings while I just sat there with this glazed expression.

In an analogy, it’s like everyone knows where the chaos is going to be and how they are going to go about it and I’m still in the ”maybe it’s just a tiny flame” mode. Knowing me, I will be in this mode till I am at the hospital itself and then, I will panic. It’s funny cos I have friends who have attended pre-natal classes and read books (which help, no doubt) but they have also said it still doesn’t fully prepare you for when the baby is out and in your arms. I wouldn’t go as far as watching birthing videos but I definitely will be reading up more on childcare etc and we have to go shop for things.

THIS IS REAL AND HAPPENING, PEOPLE!!!

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Decided also to have this scrapbook project to add to the excitement and prepare for her arrival. Hoping all goes smoothly.

I visited a friend who recently gave birth and she commented that I seemed more obsessed about the baby than she was. I was just staring at him and in that moment, I was just amazed. He was so big and gorgeous, looking so healthy and loved up. For about 9 months, we refer to the baby as a baby and then, there he/she is, living and breathing after being inside of you. Is that not incredible? So fragile and delicate, having you to take care of him/her and what a huge responsibility that is. Sometimes my thoughts wander about and recently, I have had questions about how we may intend to raise AK.

Mr Grumpy and I have had different pasts but in certain aspects, I believe we are in sync about parenting. Of course things can change once she is out, we can only plan so much, but I would want AK to be strong. Healthy physically (will force feed her things she may not like to eat if it ensures a healthy immune system), nice colourful toys (let’s stimulate your handy skills, iPads not so soon!), and of course a whole lot of love. I would want her comfortable but not where she is too scared to explore things. Sure, it seems a long time more given she will be sleeping most days when she is first out, but also hear so often about how babies grow so fast and it always is good to be mentally prepared. I’m guessing during the early stages, I would want her to be comfortable (bathe her right and all that jazz 🙂 )

If anything, this pregnancy has made me do quite a bit of soul searching. From caring about certain things, some of it seem petty now compared to some decisions you have to make now. Grown up decisions, if you may. Your job (package, benefits), the way you lived your life (were all the bad things THAT necessary?), the way you live your life now (OMG, how am I spending?!) and it can get overwhelming. Face it though, it IS happening and if people can somehow pull through, so can you. Just keep calm and raise that baby!

It also helps to know you have a good support system (don’t piss off the nice family members and friends) because in the end, it is one of the things that will matter. We can care as much about money and the material things but we also need to care about things that are good for the heart and soul to help pull us through. I am guilty of it but it sure is sad when you see some support systems like those break down all over misunderstandings etc. The crux of it is if you intend on maintaining life long relations, these small bumps and breakdowns should not even matter. Relationships should not be that easy to throw away, which is also evident when it comes to family.

I always think of some worst case scenarios, like you fighting with someone and then never seeing them again because of death or whatnot. I’ve lost some dear friends unexpectedly and while people can try to relate to how you feel, you always will think of how things could have been better, no matter how good it may have been. So really, bad blood does not help the whole equation. If you guys cannot get along, best to just leave it but not be nasty to each other because YOU NEVER KNOW. Some relationships never recover from cracks, but some are also better than ever.

God willing, AK will have a lot of love with a lot of people wanting to spoil her silly and I hope she will be surrounded with genuine love and affection from genuine people. I hope Mr Grumpy and I will be good parents and can guide her well. Some things may be out of our hands but I hope with everything else, we can give her the best.

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